


Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Understated

by tascioni



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tascioni/pseuds/tascioni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur faints dramatically, or so says the team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Understated

**Author's Note:**

> fill for [this](http://inception-kink.livejournal.com/20092.html?thread=49344892#t49344892) prompt on inception_kink

"Tell me again," says Yusuf, eyeing all of them suspiciously. "What happened exactly?"

"I already told you!" Ariadne shouts over everyone else. "He just collapsed! Out of nowhere! Upsy-daisy!"

❝

Arthur walked in to the warehouse looking rather fragile. Honestly, they should've known something was wrong; he was moving much too slowly. He was usually quick as fox--very spritely--but today, he seemed lethargic, off-kilter.

As he made his way over to his desk, he stumbled against Ariadne's drafting table, sending the latest maze designs across the floor. 

"I think I feel a little faint," he said, voice deathly quiet. "The room is spinning." 

"Arthur," approached Ariadne, very concerned. "Are you--"

"Alas!" he cried out suddenly, before succumbing to the dizzying sensations in his head and falling, face first, onto the floor.

"Arthur!" cried Ariadne. "Eames! Eames! I think Arthur's fainted!"

Eames squinted at the body on the floor, frowning as a trail of blood trickled from Arthur's nose. "Nooo," he said slowly. "I think he just knocked himself out." 

Catching the look on Ariadne's face, he quickly added, "Which is just as bad. Worse even."

"Arthur?" came Cobb's panicked voice. "Arthur, what's wrong?" 

"Yusuf!" yelled Ariadne. "Yusuf, come here! Arthur needs you!"

❝

"Why are you talking like that," asks Eames, giving Ariadne an odd look. "You sound mad."

Ariadne flushes. "I'm just telling him what I saw!" 

"Well, that's not a very accurate description," says Cobb disapprovingly.

"Er," says Yusuf. "I just need--"

❝

Arthur had had a very late night last night. He had been doing a lot of research, because that was what Cobb had hired him to do. Also, because Arthur was his friend. Sort of. In the way that people who are international criminals can be friends. Even though they aren't really criminals. Anyway, Arthur had been researching for a job. This job. This job that was currently operating out of an abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of Burbank because it was the closest thing Arthur could find to Cobb's house that didn't look like a Law & Order crime scene.

Anyway.

Arthur called Cobb that morning and asked, as he did every morning, if Cobb would like him to pick anything up before he came in. Cobb, because they are friends, asked Arthur to bring him a bagel. Cinnamon raisin, please. No, no cream cheese. Maybe with some of the yogurt spread. Yes, the blueberry kind. No, he didn't feel like coffee. Well, okay, yes, he wanted coffee, but not the coffee from the bagel store. Yes, no, okay, just, forget it. There were coffee pots in the warehouse.

At half-past nine, Arthur walked into the warehouse. He had sounded a little sickly on the phone, but Arthur always sounded a little bit sickly to Cobb. Probably because Arthur had a bad habit of talking from his throat and not his stomach. 

Anyway.

Arthur made his way over to Ariadne's desk, but in doing so, tripped over a crack in the floor. "Shit!" he yelled as he lost his breakfast and Cobb's breakfast, and crashed to face-first into the floor. 

"Arthur!" cried Ariadne, jumping to her feet. "Arthur! are you alright?" 

Arthur did not answer. That concerned Cobb. A lot of things about Arthur concerned Cobb, like, his unnatural affinity for dressing in three-piece suits when they were under, because that was just such a weird thing to fixate on, and Cobb never knew Arthur to be so interested in men's fashion--

❝

"What the hell, dude," says Ariadne. "What kind of story is this."

"A terrible one," says Eames. "I'm not paid to listen to your nonsensical rambling anyway. I thought you had a therapist for that." 

Cobb flushes. "That's doctor-patient confidentiality!" he shouts. 

"Okay!" says Yusuf loudly as he bends down to check on Arthur's breathing. Stable. "Eames, would you like to--"

"No," says Eames flatly.

Yusuf blinks. "Okay," he says, relieved. "Excellent, now maybe I can actually--"

"Wait," says Eames. "Alright, I'll say it."

"Oh," says Yusuf. "You really don't have to--"

❝

Arthur walked into the warehouse. He passed by Ariadne's desk, mumbled something about feeling dizzy, and then dropped to the ground, banging his head against the corner of the desk and taking Ariadne's entire stack of new designs with him.

"Whoa," said Ariadne. "Arthur, are you okay?" 

Arthur's cold, dead body did not answer.

Ariadne looked up at Eames. "Eames?" asked Ariadne. "I think Arthur's fainted."

So he had. So he had.

❝

"That is the worst story," says Arthur.

"Arthur!" exclaims Ariadne, turning his attention back to him. "Congratulations, you're still alive!"

"It would seem so," agrees Arthur. "Thanks, Yusuf."

Yusuf gives him a thumbs up as he goes to put away the smelling salts. 

"Oh," says Cobb. "Arthur, hi, how many fingers am I holding up?" 

"Four," answers Eames. "Now, go play in your sandbox."

"What?"

"I think that's a metaphor," says Ariadne. "I don't think it's literal. There aren't any sandboxes around here, anyway." 

"Yes," says Eames, rather urgently. "It was a metaphor for get out, right now."

Ariadne elbows Cobb in the ribs. 

Cobb elbows Arthur in the head.

"Ow," says Arthur, reaching up to rub his head. "Jesus Christ, just get out." 

"I'll be right outside," says Cobb, frowning at him. "I can take you home if you want. If you're seeing double, let me know, okay? If you're seeing giant tarantulas climbing up your arms, uh, tell Yusuf?"

Arthur and Eames stare at him.

"We're going now!" Ariadne announces cheerfully, and drags Cobb out the warehouse.

"Your nose is bleeding," Eames says, looking back at Arthur. He takes out a handkerchief and hands it over.

Arthur takes it, considers it for a moment, and wipes his nose gingerly on the back of his sleeve.

"I don't know where this has been," he explains when Eames raises an eyebrow.

"What," he says, when Eames' eyebrow climbs higher. "I don't!" 

"I'm choosing to take offense," says Eames, taking the handkerchief back. "I'll have you know, I just bought this yesterday."

"That's really reassuring, thanks," Arthur says, laying back down on the makeshift cot they'd set up. He smirks, and Eames scowls.

"I was only trying to be polite," he says. "Don't be a prat." 

"Mmm," says Arthur, closing his eyes. "Okay." 

"Hey," says Eames suddenly. "Are you sure you're supposed to be doing that?"

One eye cracks open. "Doing what?" 

Eames gestures at him.

The eye blinks.

"Sleeping," Eames clarifies. "Brush it off all you like, but you did take a bit of a hit to the head." 

"Yeah, okay," says Arthur, closing his eyes again. "I am still feeling kind of dizzy, though. You can wake me if you want."

"Or you could just not sleep," Eames returns. 

"I could," agrees Arthur. "But I'd rather not. I haven't slept in a while."

"So I noticed."

Arthur does not open his eyes, but Eames knows Arthur's attention is focused on him. "Did you," he says.

Eames moves himself closer, so that he's perched on the edge of Arthur's cot, and touches Arthur's forehead gently. "I did," Eames acquiesces. 

"Mmm," says Arthur, smiling a little. "Figured you would." 

Eames does not say anything, because, okay, maybe today scared him just a little bit because no healthy person just collapses for no reason, and really, he should've been paying more attention because Arthur's been looking rather peaky these last few days, but Eames just told himself that was Arthur being Arthur when he should have said something because Arthur being Arthur means Arthur is being stupid and irresponsible and doing a million and one things that are hazardous to his health, like, not eating or sleeping, or being friends with Cobb. 

Arthur's hand finds its way to Eames' thigh, and he squeezes, gently, like a reminder that he's still here, and that Eames should focus on him now, since he couldn't focus on Arthur before. "Don't let me fall asleep," he says, not opening his eyes.

"No," says Eames, giving his forehead a fond pat. "Of course not."


End file.
